When I Grow Up
By: Paige Rhoads

I was five, all I wanted to be
was a firefighter. Just the idea of
marching through burning houses as
I saved the lives of others left me
stunned. I would be a hero.

But when I struggled to move on the
monkey bars and all the other kids
began to beat me in the school yard
races, I realized I wasn't strong
enough to be a firefighter. I would
never be strong enough to be a
firefighter.

When I was ten, I announced to a
classroom of my peers that I was
going to become a veterinarian.

I proudly told my teachers that I was
going to save the lives of all animals
I came across, that no dog or cat
would ever die in my presence.

But as the bright red F's began to
stain my papers and my teachers told
my parents I would need extra help,I
knew I wouldn't make it as a vet. I
just wasn't smart enough.

As I transitioned into high school
and my words began to find their
way onto the page, I decided I would
be a writer.

I was going to make stories that
would make others forget the world
for a while. Stories that would spark
imaginations and possibilities.

But then I learned that words
weren’t as easy to put on paper as
they were to read, and my thoughts
felt unoriginal, my stories just copy
of what others had already done. I
was too plain to be a writer.

Now I stand on the cusp of
adulthood, midway between child
and the rest of my life. I watch as my
peers plan out their career paths and
all I can do is stare.

Sometimes they ask me what I will
do when I grow up.

If I'll grow up.

All I do is smile,

"I don't know,"

And maybe I never will.

Because I am not strong enough to
fight a fire, smart enough to save a
life, or even creative enough to write
a story.

The only thing I can be, is brave
enough to try.

Poetry

"I try to examine the mixed emotions I have with growing up, from the anxiety I have to how words seem to only to come when hurting." --Paige Rhoads from Raymore-Peculiar High School ​