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    • A Fire of Words
    • Editor's Note 2022 >
      • The Floor Wallows Lower
      • Cornflowers
      • Erudite
      • That One Morning
      • mom, im afraid
      • selenophilia
      • Roses and Rainbows
      • If a poisonous snake bites itself, will it die?
      • Rochester
      • Crown of Branches
      • Stairs to the Sea
      • A Poem Written Entirely From Advertisements
      • Pyromania
      • silhouette of a bird against winter stars
      • thunderstorm in the bedroom
      • A Night in Recovery
      • sleeping gypsie
      • paper dolls&goodbyes
      • We Are Women
      • Village Air
      • Sunshine's Laughter
      • the male gaze
      • The Forensic Entomologist
      • Lacking
      • Drowning
      • Adelie
    • Create the Wonders We Dream (2021)
    • Editor's Note >
      • Zove
      • I'm Sorry
      • Fake Smile
      • My Friend the Balloon
      • Eyes Intertwined
      • Perfect
      • Only a Moment
      • A Dangerous Word
      • My Dreams
      • The Last 100 Meters
      • The Green Void (Villanelle)
      • The Whimsical Galaxy (Sestina)
      • The Silent Kindness
      • Pressure
      • Table on the Hill
      • The Yukon
      • The Shore
      • Repentance
      • Her and I
      • Infections of the Soul
      • Threads
      • Dream of a High Schooler
      • Empty
      • little flame
      • scars
      • black and white
      • The Cat
      • Joy
      • Sweet Honey Bee Stings
      • If There Were One Day
      • Delete
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      • him or Him?
      • Ocean
      • Es Llaner Beach
      • Sewn Together
      • Rain
      • Yes, I Like
      • The Legacy of the Moon
      • The Wind Whimpers
      • From Here I See
      • To Feel Clean
      • Red
      • Survival
      • Substance
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      • Midnight Tango
      • Ode to a Spleen
      • Modern Siren
      • The Night's Diamond Tears
      • Beats In Double Time
      • A Day in the Flight
      • Carved By Venus
      • Lifeline
      • Everest
      • Education
      • How Much of Reality Can Be Observed
      • What is a Spork
      • What is the difference between love and in love
      • What would you have wanted? me to say
      • Planet Caravan
      • The Journey of a Minute
      • The Circus of Scars
      • Mosaic
      • Color
      • Love and Acceptance
    • Colors I Never Knew Existed (2020)
    • Her Voice Remains (2017)
    • Watch Every Second (2018)
    • Words Become Reality (2019)
  • Blog
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mom, im afraid
By: Zoe Chu

Picture
mom, im afraid to get married.
im scared of the ring 
and when she gets down on one knee
im scared that we’ll have to do it
                                               secretly 
 
mom, im afraid to get married
im scared that the scars will
                                              return when i walk down the aisle
and im terrified that dad won’t walk it 
                                                                                                                      with me
 
mom, im afraid for our future
im terrified that i’ll have to shield her ears
                                                                  from the abuse
im terrified that i can’t handle their words
 
(i’ve never been the strong one)
 
mom, im afraid 
of questions. all of them like
“who wears the pants? and
                      “what about the children? and 
                                                     “how can you live with yourself?”
 
(i don’t know how i’ll live with myself.)
 

mom, im afraid
im afraid that my marriage will end up a funeral
an atonement to the death
of the pure daughter
                                  you wish you had
  
mom, im afraid that this poem will be the last you
want to see of me        
                                                                                        that’s fine.


Writer's Statement: In an ode to the past, I aim to create art that is uniquely mine- not specifically to appeal to an audience, but to spill out my raw, broken, emotions so that other young queer folks like my can realize that it is okay to not be okay.
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