mom, im afraid
By: Zoe Chu
mom, im afraid to get married.
im scared of the ring
and when she gets down on one knee
im scared that we’ll have to do it
secretly
mom, im afraid to get married
im scared that the scars will
return when i walk down the aisle
and im terrified that dad won’t walk it
with me
mom, im afraid for our future
im terrified that i’ll have to shield her ears
from the abuse
im terrified that i can’t handle their words
(i’ve never been the strong one)
mom, im afraid
of questions. all of them like
“who wears the pants? and
“what about the children? and
“how can you live with yourself?”
(i don’t know how i’ll live with myself.)
mom, im afraid
im afraid that my marriage will end up a funeral
an atonement to the death
of the pure daughter
you wish you had
mom, im afraid that this poem will be the last you
want to see of me
that’s fine.
im scared of the ring
and when she gets down on one knee
im scared that we’ll have to do it
secretly
mom, im afraid to get married
im scared that the scars will
return when i walk down the aisle
and im terrified that dad won’t walk it
with me
mom, im afraid for our future
im terrified that i’ll have to shield her ears
from the abuse
im terrified that i can’t handle their words
(i’ve never been the strong one)
mom, im afraid
of questions. all of them like
“who wears the pants? and
“what about the children? and
“how can you live with yourself?”
(i don’t know how i’ll live with myself.)
mom, im afraid
im afraid that my marriage will end up a funeral
an atonement to the death
of the pure daughter
you wish you had
mom, im afraid that this poem will be the last you
want to see of me
that’s fine.
Writer's Statement: In an ode to the past, I aim to create art that is uniquely mine- not specifically to appeal to an audience, but to spill out my raw, broken, emotions so that other young queer folks like my can realize that it is okay to not be okay.